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Did you know that there are Elder Things born without tentacles? It's
TRUE. LITTLE LAME TIMMY CTHULHU was only born with three PSEUDOPODS! BUT
a CHRISTMAS MIRACLE HAPPENED! LET Me tell you about how LITTLE TIMMY
CTHULHU's childlike FAITH in Christmas and SHUB-NIGGURATH made a
CHRISTMAS MIracle! It ALL started when LITTLE TIMMY CTHULHU's crutches
broke! "THING-THAT-SPAWNED ME?" it asked "I know we don't have enough
money to buy me a new crutch AND get me a puppy. But I really, really
want a new puppy! I can limp to Elder God's school!"
LITTLE TIMMY CTHULHU's THING-THAT-SPAWNED-HIM wept. "OH! IF only someone
could help us!" It cried, knowing that as a responsible
THING-THAT-SPAWNED, it had no choice but to buy the crutches knowing
that it would break at least two of LITTLE TIMMY CTHULHU'S hearts.
That night, before oozing into it's sleeping nodule, LITTLE TIMMY
CTHULHU said his prayers "SHUB-NIGGURATH and SANTA, please bring me a
new puppy for Christmas!" Meanwhile, out in the big city of Lost R'yleh,
a puppy just happened to escape from the Pound! Many ELDER THINGS were
chasing it, and it was scared and alome! It ran and ran, and where do
you suppose it ran? That's right! Right through LITTLE TIMMY CTHULHU's
open window! LITTLE TIMMY CTHULHU was overjoyed! "THING-THAT-SPAWNED ME!
THING-THAT-SPAWNED ME!" It cried! "Look! Santa and SHUB-NIGGURATH heard
my prayers and brought me a puppy!" And with that, LITTLE TIMMY CTHULHU
popped the puppy into it's gaping maw and crunched it up it three bites!
Yummy! It was the BEST Christmas EVER!
That puppy COULDN'T have escaped from the pound on it's own, and even if
it had, only the guiding pseudopod of SHUB-NIGGURATH could have guided
the puppy straight into LITTLE TIMMY CHTULHU's gaping maw!
So remember, if you're down and out this Christmas, remember to have
faith in SHUB-NIGIRATH and remember LITTLE TIMMY CTHULHU's Christmas
Miracle!
