Nicole Grey (foenix) wrote,
Nicole Grey

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One Year Ago

Today is a bit of a weird 'anniversary' of sorts.

A year ago today, my mom had a really bad day, was really out of it, barely mumbling, after being really whiny to let dad take her with him when he went food shopping.

A year ago today, the visiting nurses came by late in the afternoon and immediately saw she was really dazed, and had her sent *back* to the hospital, and that was the last I saw of my mom until she passed away at the end of December.

After she was moved from the hospital a few days later to the rehab facility, I pretty much knew she wasn't coming home at that point. I knew what state she was in, and with all the problems she was having, unless she got real better real fast, it was very unlikely. Not impossible, but...

Sure, I heard from her a few times when she'd call in a panic, wondering where dad was, because she forgot he'd been there that day, or that he had to run errands and would be back the following day, and man those phonecalls were hard.

And yes, I know my never going to visit her makes me a horrible person, but that's my cross to bear, and an entire guilt ridden post all it's own.

I think in a lot of ways, that because I had a sense she wasn't coming home, that's why I've never had any huge emotional breakdown to her passing, I had several months of mental prep, and while it hit me hard that day, that was my big release. And in some ways, today is an anniversary of sorts and while I don't think of this as the day she passed away, there is SOME element of that lurking around my thoughts today.

Do I have a point here? No, not really, just felt like rambling today, considering...


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