You are the tortured, nail-biting essence of coffee. You see visions. You could change the world if only you were up at the same time as everyone else. You have created a programming language that throws errors if the code is not written in iambic pentameter, and you are infuriated by the typos in the new edition of Ulysses. You practice sarcasm as a form of tantric sex, and your cats have doctorates. You believe in virgin sacrifice in a good cause.