Caitlin Grey (foenix) wrote,
Caitlin Grey

Paying the Bills Theatre: Something Beneath

I'd like to thank Scifi Channel for a good run of bad movies. =D I didn't expect to be so busy doing these, or even watching them. But they've been putting out things that look just interesting enough. This time out, the only name with any recognition to me is one Mister Kevin Sorbo. Since Andromeda passed, I guess he needs the cash. =)

Looks like the plot for this schlockfest is something underground at a construction site is creeping to the surfacve and killing people. And Kevin sorbo plays a priest.

"Mister Connely..." "DOCTOR Connely." He didn't go to nebbish doctor school to be called Mister!!

We've got a stereotypical Paris Hilton wannabe, complete with self-important attitude, and dog. And a video blog. And says OMG. *shudders*

Kevin has a great line, "Times like this I question my calling. An all knowing and powerful God would never have created celebutantes." Preach it, brother!

I love appropriate names, but sometimes they can be a bit too on the nose. In a movie with environmental themes, the evils of digging into protected land, and they have someone named Deadmarsh...

"Put the body in the cooler before he gets up and starts moving around!" Someone who knows what to do in a horror movie, yay!

Nooo, the crepy dirty water made the Paris girl's nails grow! Damn you, monster!

Ok, things leaking from the walls is a staple of movies of this nature, but dingy, grimy water just isn't as scary as blood. *sigh*

Now, water and watery things can indeed be quite scary or terrifying, or horrific. Lovecraft hit that mark perfectly, as have a few other people. Dark Water did a decent job of it. This movie? Not so much. For some reason, it may have been edited for the Scifi Channel, but there seems to be some odd jumps that kinda move away from the scenes of the watery sludge. It's not even registering as an ick factor for me. It's too thin, for starters, and more of a dingy, grey look than anything else. Some people might go, "Ew, dirty dishwater," but that's about as scary as this stuff has gotten so far.

Native American cliche #238! the wise Indian woman who is one with nature, and able to ward of evil animals.

Ok, the dirty dishwater is acting like the pink slime form Ghostbusters II, and playing with people'e heads. Whee.

Oi. The mystic pendant given to the agnostic by the Indian woman when she was a kid is what ends up saving the day when she chants at the evil water. And watch, now she shall be a believer in God! I don't even want to get into how much is wrong with that. =P

Kevin Sorbo gave a good performance. He's always a pleasure to watch, and is a good actor. He really deserves to be doing something better than this. I've liked him in almost everything I've seen, and he's actually a good actor. I buy him as a priest, and don't think of him as Hercules in this role at all.

Like Gravediggers, this was too bad to be good, and good enough to not be bad. It did have enough good stuff that it's an entertaining diversion, and had a few ok laughs in it. It ends up slightly ahead of Gravdeiggers at least.

Three out of five dead Iolauses.

Tags: paying the bills theatre

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