Caitlin Grey (foenix) wrote,
Caitlin Grey
foenix

Check Your Source


Oh my gods, this is laughably bad.

This movie takes place in a post apocalyptic present, where everyone talks into coffee pots and wears sunglasses swiped from the X-Treme X-Men. There's so much rubble and junk laying around, I feel like I'm watching a Rob Liefeld movie. There's enough crap to hide everyone's feet easily!

Almost every set is foggy, or in impenetrable murky darkness so they only have to worry about the five feet of set they could afford to build for each scene.

And planets don't look like that when they're aligning! Not to the human eye!

Which is another point. Half the time, you don't know what you're looking at, either because it's just odd, or badly shot, or because the editor is unable to hold a shot for more than half a second. They seemed to be doing something interesting with the villain's mouth when he unmasked (Wearing a costume that would make the Silent Hill guys crack up laughing), but it was lost because just as it started to register, it was on to another cut, and another seven before that registered.

And the quickenings have to be the lamest ever. Not being helped by your villain shouting out 'THE QUICKENNNNNINNNNGGGGG!" as he's being electrocuted.

Let us discuss the Guardian for a moment. He starts out kinda creepy and quiet, even if his outfit is laughable. That lasted all of five seconds. Then he comes up behind some guy, is insanely tall, does this weird blurry 'superspeed' sort of schtick, gets into a fight, and does a little scuttling across the ground and rolling around. He should have stayed like that, because after his first kill, he gets AWFULLY chatty, making some pop culturish references, and acting cool...he's trying SO hard to be the Kurgan, and failing so very miserably.

*cries* And now we get a slow motion walk to a horrible *cover* of Princes of the Universe. Not to mention Duncan's plot contrivance...I mean, wife. Had to bring her outta nowhere, get Duncan married, and have them break up all off screen...

They become mortal and hurtable as they near the source, one of them dies without a beheading, And rather than remember that they were told they'd become weaker, one of them says their friend didn't heal because his faith was weak? And that prompts Methos to start slicing people and wanting to sword fight? Perspective, guys...

Again, if the planets are THAT BIG when you look in the sky? You've got bigger problems than Blurry McWeirdmouth to worry about. Or the random biker gang hanging around the forest. They're bigger than balloons floating in the air! I'll buy making everything glow green, but not the gigantic size of them like every planet is closer than the moon!

Oh goodie. Now Duncan is superfast, so we get two blurs swishing across the screen with clanging noises. Highlander 5, the movie that doesn't want you to see what's going on!

And we slipped into Looney Tunes territory as Duncan fights in circles around the Guardian so he actually drills himself into the ground. He's defeated then by Duncan refusing to behead the Guardian. Which apparently makes him explode. O.o

...

They're recapping the movie. THE CLIMAX OF THE MOVIE IS RECAPPING THE PAST TWO HOURS!!

And because he didn't take the Guardian's head, that means Duncan is pure of heart, and worthy of the Source. Never mind everyone else he's killed.

The Source is a magical power that gives the immortal that passes it's test the ability to have children. So, we cause thousands of celestial bodies to align, go on a silly quest, fight a silly bad guy, all to have a kid. If you're a nice guy. There's McGuffins and plot devices, and then there's this overly elaborate plot which occurs for no particular reason. There's no explanation or reason, just...heck "Wizards did it" is as good an explanation as any.

The reward was so very much like what Connor got in the first movie, and yet so much lamer.

I never thought I'd say this but Zeist is looking PRETTY DAMNED GOOD right now.

J
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