However, the install always failed, and the installation undid itself. In addition, none of the suggested methods even applied to me. I decided to branch out my research from MS's notes, did a quick search, and the first result gave me my answer.
Now, this is absolutely hilarious to me.
It actually turns out that my systems (As my laptop was doing the same) were being blocked by...Zone Alarm. XD
Yes, Zone Alarm was protecting the registry, so IE couldn't tamper with it.
Now that's some protection.
Zone Alarm, protecting me from the dangers of IE. =D